Stuff that grinds my gears

Since, from its inception, only four things have been posted on the blog - one rant against Jacqui Smith, two videos and one rather depressing piece about being alone on Valentine's Day - I guess I'll have to produce more rants to avoid prosecution under the Trades Descriptions Act. Well, just to buck y'all up, here's a list of things which pisses me off.

• Starbucks calling its smallest coffee size 'Tall'. This marketing ploy might work in uncivilized, backwards countries like America, but, in England, fails to distract the consumer from the fact that he's just paid £3.79 for a cup of coffee with all the size and caffeine content of a urine sample.
• People calling me a 'reactionary'. Seriously, guys. Would a reactionary support legalization of all controlled substances, gay marriage and withdrawal from Iraq and Afghanistan? Well, yes, if he was Enoch Powell (look him up on Wikipedia if you're interested in the man behind the stereotypical racist.)
• American West Coast accents, rapidly becoming ubiquitous among young, educated urbanites across big-city America. You know, the one with the slight lateral lisp, permanent slight edge of uncertainty, and upwards inflection at the end of each sentence so it feels like the speaker is perpetually asking questions? Like this? For sure. What beats me is why, with all the beautiful American regional accents - the languid, aristocratic, cultured Virginia Piedmont Received Pronounciation; the slightly nasal but unmistakably good-humoured Boston-Rhode Island; the Appalacian accent, possibly the closest the modern ear can get to the English of Shakespeare's time; the wonderful, interrogatory, threatening, aggrieved New York accent that Joe Pesci speaks in every single film role he has ever taken - people plump for one which reminds me of a eunuch.

More stuff to follow.